Identifying an Unhealthy Relationship from the Start

You thought you had a great connection, but now he isn’t answering your texts. It’s like he disappeared. Welcome to the dating world we live in, where being ghosted can leave you feeling insecure and undesirable. In this dating environment, it’s understandable how easy it could be to fall into the trap of an unhealthy relationship when the major signs include being showered with attention and adoration. Unhealthy relationships usually start out feeling too good to be true — because they are.

He Tells You He Loves You Right Away

When someone tells you that they love you early in a relationship and before they’ve had a chance to get to know you, it’s often a sign of manipulation and an unhealthy relationship. If your new partner is over-the-top affectionate right away, in reality, it’s not love at all [1]. In a new relationship, it’s normal for both of you to be excited and on your best behavior. You might give each other compliments, little gifts that say “I’m thinking about you,” and other sweet romantic gestures. It’s mutual, reciprocal, and healthy. However, signs of an unhealthy relationship are different.
  • He is absurdly charming.
  • He wants to be with you all the time.
  • He tells you he loves you too quickly.
  • He gives you extravagant gifts.
  • He showers you with excessive compliments
It can feel really good when someone adores you. But when the adoration is actually your new partner trying to manipulate you, it leads to heartache every time. If your relationship feels too good to be true, it might be a good idea to slow down a bit and give yourself a chance to view it objectively without the passion involved.

Something Feels “Off”

Don’t be quick to brush away your good instincts. Trust your gut even if you can’t pinpoint a valid reason why something doesn’t feel quite right.

The Relationship Is Moving Too Fast

If your new relationship is unhealthy, not only is your new partner declaring his love for you, but he’s talking about your future together, including marriage and a family. Or, he might be pressuring you to have sex and even talks about moving in together soon after meeting. You might feel flattered by his attention and affection, but in reality, it’s unhealthy. He’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear to get what he wants from you. But it is not beneficial for you.

Your New Partner Wants You All to Himself

Who doesn’t want to feel wanted? A relationship built on interdependence is healthy. It means you and your partner value the connection and emotional bond you share, but you also have each maintained a solid sense of self within your relationship dynamic [2]. If your new partner is monopolizing your time and attention, acting jealous, or doesn’t like it when you spend time with other people, it’s time to set boundaries. If he understands your limits and acts accordingly, that’s a good sign. But if he gets angry or pushes back against your wishes, it’s another sign that your relationship is unhealthy, and you may want to step away. Pay careful attention if your friends and family are expressing concerns. If concerns are coming from people who care about you, take them seriously. At Pregnancy Care Clinic, we care about you and your relationships. If you have been in an unhealthy relationship and find you are unexpectedly pregnant, we can help. Contact us today for a no-cost, confidential appointment. [1] Hannum, Claire. (2015, December 31). 24 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore Retrieved on March 12, 2020 from https://www.self.com/story/relationship-red-flags-never-ignore [2] Rusbult CE, Van Lange PA. (2003). Interdependence, interaction, and relationships. Retrieved on February 23, 2020 from https://research.vu.nl/ws/portalfiles/portal/1898345/Rusbult+Annual+Review+of+Psychology+54+2003+u.pdf